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A Man Mourns His Muse by ~Boogster:iconBoogster:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


A Man Mourns His Muse

We were all paired on Parnassus.
But when the city sank
under the howling water I left him.

Snap. I caught him old
on his deathbed. He spoke
quietly. I leaned in, deftly:  


Once I dreamt
of flickering elms
the dancing cars

O I chased them till I wept.
I could not match them
for speed. They threw

spooling loops of light
as though they knew
I would not catch them.

In another dream
I skated
the wafer of light

between evening and night
balanced, glacial
until the moon rose

and I fell. Today I felt
I'd slipped into the space
between terraced houses.

He could not have known.
I dreamt and he could not
have known to wake me.


He died and now I am free.
©2007-2009 ~Boogster
:iconboogster:

Author's Comments

This changed direction spectacularly about an hour ago. It's another draft I suppose, but I'm keen to chase these down before the ball of string runs out.

Daily Deviation

Given 2007-08-05

A Man Mourns His Muse by ~Boogster is lyrically and sonically rich and expressive. (Featured by `PoeticWar)

Comments


love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconpoeticwar:
`PoeticWar Jul 31, 2007, 3:46:06 PM
This is a really big improvement on your other stuff imo. It needs a better title -- this one is too Poem and doesn't suit. But this is good stuff.


I skated
the wafer of light

between evening and night
balanced, glacial
until the moon rose

and I fell. Today I felt
I'd slipped into the space
between terraced houses.

He could not have known.
I dreamt and he could not
have known to wake me.

is easily the best of it as it stands.

--
mimesis, the poetry journal

Buy Mimesis issue one here.
Buy Mimesis issue two here.
:iconforswornbrother86:
~forswornbrother86 Aug 5, 2007, 5:00:35 AM
:)
Refreshing,
and gorgeously written.
I skated
the wafer of light

between evening and night

that made me smile, a near perfect phrase.
well done on the daily deviation,
i admire your writing and wish that i could write like you.
well done again
+:+fav:

--
To cheat and not to be found out is cunning, to cheat and be found out is simply careless.
:iconadeimantus:
*Adeimantus Aug 5, 2007, 5:03:44 AM
Hey, Boogster.

Agree with James on the best part; very clean and lean.

My suggestion might be to rename the title, and completely cut the N's bits (I know, I know, killing stuff is such sweet sorrow). Maybe "A Man's Dying Muse Speaks," or somesuch.

Good job!

best,
-Charles

--
"A liberal is the guy who leaves the room when a fight starts."
- Big Bill Haywood
:iconraventheechidna278:
~RavenTheEchidna278 Aug 5, 2007, 8:08:29 AM
Amazing writing!! ^-^
Congrats on the DD! :+fav:

Much love to all the writers at DA. Keep it up, people!! :heart:

--
"She's my Cherry Pie, cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise! ~"

~ Master luvs her Padawan ~TaliaIvanov! :heart:

This signature needs moar zombies. :zombie:
:iconartful-krayons:
~Artful-Krayons Aug 5, 2007, 8:20:10 AM
nonsensically wonderful

--
Today is the last day of my life, so far.
:iconlarcentyler:
~LarcenTyler Aug 5, 2007, 9:06:09 AM
That is very well written I must say.

--
Larcen Tyler
Some Eternal Champions just never die
:icongod-of-insects:
~god-of-insects Aug 5, 2007, 9:31:35 AM
gorgeous :) I love the imagery. However I think stylistically "He died and now I am free" doesn't quite agree with the rest of the poem. It's blunt, which I suppose would suit the end, but there's something about the wording that doesn't sit right with me.

Sorry about the half-assed critique. I'm not too good with words myself, you see :) But, seriously, beautiful poem, thanks for sharing.
:iconimwearingnewsox:
~imwearingnewsox Aug 5, 2007, 1:59:44 PM
i love the imagry you have managed to put into the poem. i particurlarly like the part about the wafer of light. my one problem with this is the end. i have to agree with *god-of-insects on this one, its to blunt, like a hammer crashing into the skull of the reader who has so recently been lifted into dream. it kills the feeling of the poem. i know from experience that the ending is the hardest part to get right. at least you know what you want to say, just put more feeling into it. the rest of the poem is soaked in feeling, the ending needs to at least be dipped in it.

--
I LOVE YOU!!!! and this is why [link]
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